Saturday, March 8, 2008

Have you ever....

  • Have you ever felt like you were so happy that it was unfair to the rest of the world?
  • Have you ever felt like you were so sad that you weren't sure how you'd survive?
  • Have you ever felt like you're a piece of a puzzle that fits in so perfectly?
  • Have you ever felt like you're a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle?
  • Have you ever felt the warm acceptance and love of a stranger?
  • Have you ever felt like the people that you've known for months now have a hard time accepting you but accept a new comer?
  • Have you ever felt like there was so much love in a room that you weren't sure how long the walls were going to stand up?
  • Have you ever felt like there was so much tension in a room, that you wished the walls would cave in?
  • Have you ever felt the innocent love of a child?
  • Have you ever felt the piercing words of others?
  • Have you ever felt: love, joy, happiness, peace, forgiveness, fear, sadness, redemption, excitement, stress, tension, sorrow, loneliness, bliss, aggravation, nervous, frustration, incompetent, outnumbered, incomplete.

Fortunately and Unfortunately, since I've been in Saipan, i have felt all of these and more. As you can see there's been complete opposites but also a lot that have been alike. My emotions and well life have been like a rollercoaster ride. I'm never sure whats coming up next or where the turn is going to take me, whether up or down. I never know if at the end i'm going to feel nauseated or an adrenaline rush. I never know... I haven't had much consistency, if any since i've been here, except for one thing. The only thing in my life that has been constant, is G-d and His love for me. I've had my great days where the children are learning, everyone's getting along, and the sky is BLUE! But i've also had my horrible days where the kids don't want to learn, they're crying about everything, people are doing (what seems like) everything in their power to hurt me or make me feel bad. But, even in both scenarios, i can still see my wonderful G-d. Amazingly enough, it seems like i see His blessings more on yucky days than on great days. I think its because on those yucky days, i need those blessings to survive. This week has been a crazy and emotional week for me and Friday just seemed to be the crown of it all. I found myself, just in the first 2 hours of school, in a closed bathroom, crying my eyes out. But i couldn't stay in there, i had my kids to look after. I walked out and well it seemed like the entire day kept getting worse. However, as i look back, i can't remember when i've gotten that many "I Love You Teacher" and hugs in one day. So although unfortunatey i've got all these weird emotions, I thank G-d for my not so good days, because they allow me to see His blessings easier. I ask for your prayers as i'm going through these things. These last few months are the most emotional ones i'm sure. Bittersweet feelings all around, but i know now to focus on my one constant thing: My G-d!

(Here are some pics of the past two months.)















3 comments:

Beverly Mae said...

Ahhh, sorry that you are having some tough moments=( Oddly the toughest moments I have had in Saipan are the moments I am closest to God. Just know that you are loved. Keep up the good work at the school. You're an awesome teacher Vero.

Brit's Blog said...

awww..I totally feel ya girl. I've been there and understand. Keep your head up :) God is amazing and will comfort you in the hardest times. You're not alone.

You are wonderful Vero! Keep up the awesome work!
Brit

Sean said...

We're in the home stretch now, Vero.

Keep fighting the good fight. You've been such a blessing to us this way.